naked - how silly

I definately feel stalled lately - lots of blocked energy -

I spent the day moving and chopping wood, doing laundry - and cleaning the house.
I am loving being alone -

the next door neighbour - his house burnt to the ground - he is living in his shed - he has been pulling power from our house for a few months - he had no insurance. He came over today to give me a present from his green house. For some reason he just walked in the house (he knocked first) and I was there naked - I had gotten out of the bath (with epson salts and my new amazing bath salts) recently and since I was alone was not in a big hurry to get dressed- it was funny - and awkward - and weird. I took the bag from him and said thank you thank you - and he kept looking at me and saying no... thank you..... something tells me he won't be comming over with gifts again soon - or maybe he will...

Work has been so crazy for so long - I feel like it is finally settling into something manageable -
I love my work - it is challenging - and my learning edges I am being pushed in all directions.

Managing staff and budgets and I love that I get payed for personal development, learning and reflection - it feels so self indulgent - I get paid to do the self exploration that I would do anyway.

I talked to Leigh today - he called from Vancouver - he misses me (us) I can hear it in his voice.
Betrayal - how do you get over that?

My heart feels really open lately - I feel this strength and groundedness that allows me to have an open heart - I have always been so guarded - so closed - it is starting slowly to open.

I feel slightly vulnerable but mostly amazing - it feels so good to let go - being guarded takes effort and work - I need to let go of more - and I will be so much lighter.

Love is funny. I am closed and cold. For years I was such a cold lover to Leigh - I was so sure of myself - so arrogant that he would always love me more. I should take the betrayal personally - but I don't. Why am I so calm?

Intentions for tomorrow are to get a lot of my thesis done- I am back on the thesis train... gonna finish by Christmas - (woo hoo) - and I am going to run and go to yoga -

I love my cabin- my home - my daughter - I am so blessed...

Lillianna called me tonight - she is in town for a yoga retreat - we are going to have tea tomorrow - she was a good reminder of the beautifu people and connections and friends I have - even though I have not been nurturing relationships lately. I feel so disconnected from everything that matters.

I am in the middle of big changes - my life - it doesn't quite fit - it is a bit uncomfortable - like shoes that are a bit too small -

show me the way - show me the way to transcend and include - more forward up up up and away......